3 Alcoholic Drinks For People Who Would Like To Convince Themselves They’re Still Being Healthy

(Alternative title: how I stay healthy all winter...) 1/ The Pina Colada The pineapple provides Vitamin C and Bromelain, ideal if you want an anti-inflammatory boost and a strong immune system - think of it as sort of like a preemptive Lemsip! The coconut cream contains medium-chain triglycerides which, to quote directly from wikipedia, “can help in the process of excess calorie burning, thus weight loss. MCTs are also seen as promoting fat oxidation and reduced food intake.” If you are trying to lose weight, you could argue that a pina colada is even more effective than Slim Fast. If coconut water is being used, you get electrolytes, making the pina colada the perfect pre and post marathon drink… Maybe even better than Dioralyte… The Rum will make people like me slightly more bearable, thus contributing to a happier, more beautiful world; something we are all morally obligated to strive towards… 2/ The Old Fashioned Pint for pint, whisky contains more antioxidants than red wine and is apparently the only spirit that can kill infection-causing bacteria like staphylococcus, responsible for some skin infections, food poisoning and pseudomonas. Good hygiene will only take you so far; to truly look after your health, sink a whisky with every meal.

The Angostura Bitters were originally created as a medicine, and have been sorting hangovers, indigestion, dehydration and diarrhoea (lol) since 1824

The ice can be used to reduce the swelling in your back if you participated in this year’s Crossfit Open, and the alcohol will help numb the pain of having paid for the experience.

3/ The Margarita

Fresh lime juice is packed with vitamin C, which supports immunity, skin health, and collagen production - all things required for fabulous skin... For a true glow-up experience, send a few margaritas down range.

The salt rim is an excellent way of topping up your electrolytes. And you are probably deficient in electrolytes. Everyone I know is.

Tequila contains agavins, a natural type of sugar that isn’t fully absorbed by the body. Some early research suggests these may support gut health and blood sugar balance. The traditional way of managing blood sugar through diet, lifestyle and possibly injecting insulin is outdated. Get with the times.

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***In this day and age, the following needs to be made clear: while there are some facts presented here, a good chunk of it is satire. Please do not throw away your insulin. Always consult a medical professional before doing something potentially stupid. None of the above is medical advice. I am not responsible for the use or misuse of the information provided. Please drink responsibly.***

Cheers,

~ Collins